Wake Eeeee Wake Eeeeeee....

Dear Mornings:

I get it, we aren’t friends and quite frankly, I don’t think we will ever be! 

I remember you creeping up on me in the mornings through the curtains trying to wake my brother and I up for school.  The cover and pillows knew their role and helped us stay in bed as long as we possibly could to avoid your BRIGHT self.  
 
Then you decided to get Mom involved. Screw the alarm, you by passed that guy!  Having her come in the bedroom to shake us out of bed just to join you!  Not cool.  What have I done to you ever? Hmmm? You loved working with her didn’t you?  

 

Even today you still creep through the blinds, smiling and wanting me to smile with you.   The cover and pillows are just way too comfy for my liking.  Who wants to play in the early hours anyway?  

Mom has since retired her role in helping you out and you have now tag teamed with my alarm clock and added a SNOOZE feature!!! Way to go Genius!  By the way, the most annoying ring tones I have to choose from for this alarm clock, what’s up with that?

Now don’t get me wrong morning, you are great when I do want to indulge and soak in your  warmth and embrace, but not first thing in the morning.  Especially if I have to WAKE UP for work.  Pfghhh. 

To this day,as an adult, I struggle getting up in the early morning.   I am definitely not a morning person nor do I feel I will ever be.  My brain doesn’t operate till approx. 10:30am-ish.  I've come to the conclusion today, that this is just the way it’s going to be and the INFAMOUS line of “I’m tired or I’m exhausted” will be forever embedded in me.   I think I just need to accept it and shut it.

What makes me laugh thinking of the future, is when I become a senior citizen, I definitely won't be that lady waking up at 5am making tea or coffee reading the news paper while the birds start chirping outside.  HA!  Not this chick let.  I will be the one sleeping in and getting to those items when I wake up! 

So with that said, if you ever see me before say 10am, don’t expect the bubbliest-person….she’s still sleeping!

Ahhhhhhhhhh !!!!!!!!!

love this photo!

it totally illustrates how i feel at times.

(when i get mad of course...)

currently i'm working on fixing:
a) what comes out of this mouth  (ie. language)
B) reacting on my frustration (ie. taking things too personally)
and
C) short temper (ie. getting heated quickly because i dont agree with someone or their approach and sometimes maybe i dont listen correctly and come up with my own solution/answer ) ...

(insert evil laugh mmmmuuuwahhahahaha)

now the best part of this new journey!!

 realizing that so many people are literally watching, listening and (drum role please) ... judging!!

people love to throw the first stone, as if i was born perfect and i can't make mistakes! 

(this is where i should mention the story in the bible of the prositute and throwing stones at her...but do we really have to take it there....sheeeshhhh)

so i am always "TRYING" (key word)
to at least be some what of a good example these days. 
definately makes it hard when you got an audience already waiting for you to fail !
YET! its challenging and im determined to WIN !

thus far, this journey within myself has been an epic fail for the last
2 weeks!!!

(sighs)

ill get it under control though.

so, thats my rant for today people.   if you see me and notice im off my game...
pls tap me on the shoulder and remind me!

toodles

What I call "Roots"....

 

Life begins. 

Coming out of our mothers whom. 

Dependent on your parents to be nurturing and provide the loving and caring characteristics that we all need and want as little human beings growing.   Who better to show us then our own family? 

This precious time is when you slowly start forming into your own little being, with characteristics as shadowed or mimicked by your surroundings. 

What people fail to realize and remember is that in those precious moments that unfold, memories are being stored, formed and embedded into the child’s brain, emotions and daily interactions. 

These “roots”, I like to call, stay with them throughout their lives.   As they grow, they slowly start to creep up in situations and circumstances in different shapes, forms and ways.  It comes out in their day to day interactions, how they carry and present themselves. 

That's why during these 'early stages' of growth we should really be paying attention and providing encouragement, love, support, care, etc.   Every little detail of their newly life matters.  It only takes a few moments to ruin something so quickly and in turn, cause a lot of damage to their future.  All from a negative situation or comment.  The imprint is left. 

How one is raised can literally affect there lifestyle later in life.  It affects attitudes, thoughts, can turn into addictions, neediness, feeling unwanted, causing insecurities, rage, suicidal thoughts, experimentation, etc.   
 
The list is endless! Such habits and characteristics that have been formed can take time and years of repairing.  We don’t really see the damage that is being formed until you start getting to know someone and look from the outside in and really notice little traits about someone and think where is all this stemming from? 

The roots where formed from time.  That imprint has now surfaced for whatever reason (there's always a trigger point) and they struggle with it constantly!

Now there is always HOPE!  A chance to change! Time to analyze one self to become a different person from what one is use to or comfortable with.  

The feeling to be able to cleanse themselves FREE from whats embedded in their memory bank and move forward letting go of these "BAD" memories and forgiving the ones that have caused it (or even forgiving themselves for getting to that place)..... such a GREAT feeling to have and even see when one's truly letting go!   Allowing those ties to be broken, those habits set free....ahhhhhhhhh

Well, easier said than done.  Right?!  I get it .....been there, done that, got the postcard, poster, sticky note and pencil case with pens !! hahhahahaa

I've watched some people I care for battle with a lot of issues and items in their lives (including myself) and unless someone around them is caring and loving enough to help them see these types of traits that they have developed within themselves that need fixing.... they're oblivious to it.  They feel this is the way they are and it’s OK to be who they have formed into.  They really and truly know no other way of being.

In my own struggles of insecurities (body image), characteristics developed inside me from my childhood to mid adult-hood years and slowly surfaced.  Such characteristics like defensive shields, lack of trust in people, low self-esteem and a negative attitude. I built up walls and wore different masks with different people to act like I was great on the inside, when I was fooling majority, even myself !

Now my outlet of letting it all go was when I started building my relationship with God.  I felt he showed me the items in my life needing change.  To let go of the hurt built up that I carried with me throughout my child/teen years. I had to attack the root of it.  I had to go back to time lines in my life where these characteristics started building and literally start chipping away at them. My family and close friends gave me insight, advice and guidance, which helped throughout this process.   Can't thank them enough!

Now, this may not be YOUR outlet of letting your issues go.....but I’m just sharing a touch of me to make people realize the effects of what “roots” can do to someone overtime.

I am a strong believer of people needing to analyze themselves on a regular basis and see what aspects of their lives need that change.   We are not perfect by any means, but trying to make yourself a better person daily is a great thing to do.   Even asking your friends for advise or better yet, asking yourself what don't you like about you and start there!!!

So have you analyzed yourself lately?

Any roots you need to pick away at??

Walls to breakdown and overcome??